so.. it's been a while.

[ok, so i know i said no editing somewhere down there below, well.. yeah i didn't keep to that because here's me editing, right at the top of the post. alright, so this is more of an addition of something.. ok.. anyway, this is gonna start pretty heavy... so er.. brace yourself. don't worry, it lightens up pretty fast.]

what do you do when you feel someone (and not just a random stranger) you know is (probably unintentionally, or subconsciously) stealing your identity?

your ideas, your words, your passions.

and the worst part?

they do you better than you do yourself.

what then?
i'm sorry, i'm not brave.

why do i feel like i'm losing myself?


why can't i talk to you about this?

maybe i'm just overreacting.. being petty or delusional or just down right insane. overthinking does that to people.

why do i always have to make things so complicated?

just some things i've been worried about lately.. ok for the past few months.. ok for maybe half a year.. (a lot of big questions and things i've been pondering over for the past few months. remember what i said about learning to let things go last month? yeah, not really there yet.. yeah, slap me)

it's all just very frustrating. i'll elaborate more on some things later.


ANYWAY.

to the little spikes of page activity i see under my blog stats, i'm so sorry for the super long hiatus. a lot of stuff has gone down. good and bad or course.

if you're worried, don't be. i'll be back soon. promise :)

now it's pretty much just an issue of laziness and procrastination. i've got a bunch of stuff drafted out that i've just let stew there. writing actually takes an insanely long amount of time for me because i keep coming back and editing and changing my paragraphs and etc. you're probably right, i'm taking this thing too seriously. but... well, i don't know how not to yet.

i take too many things wayy too seriously.

i used to think i didn't put effort into things. pffft. what a joke. (but this is all good in the grand scheme of things i guess. at least i know i'm not that useless or whatever as i originally thought haha)

i keep planning to write all these short posts. and somehow, they always end up at least a thousand words long. meh.

if you're gonna do something, you gotta do the best you can.

so this is why i'm still up at this hour, writing this. this was supposed to be a three sentence long post. look what's happened haha. well.. i'm not going to edit this, so this is very unfiltered... and probably going to make me want to murder myself tomorrow... but yeah.. just a really "quick" thing that i've been meaning to do, but have been putting off for the past few months.

so, because i need a push,

i promise to post something by tomorrow night (tomorrow night because i'll be busy today- monday- and tuesday, other than my messed up sleep schedule that causes me to wake up around 12-3pm, should be very free). 

please hold me to it.

in any case, i've run off on a tangent there. what i mean is,

thanks for checking up on me <3


i don't know who exactly you guys are, but i really am grateful.. even if it turns out you guys were just random spikes from the internet or something. either way. :)

thanks.